Politically incorrect:

> One week later he pops his head over the fence again and says, "I want you
> to kill my wife for me, I'll pay you $10,000." I accept, telling him all
> it will take is one bullet, just below the left tit.
> He looks at me and says, "I want her dead - not fucking knee-capped!"
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black
> orphans. I said, "Fuck that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> Recession beater. Wife says to husband, "If you start riding that new
> bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car." He
> replies, "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face, we can
> get rid of the nanny!"
> ____________________________________________________
> What's the difference between a refugee and ET?
> ET looked better, smelled better, learnt English, didn't claim benefits,
> had his own fucking bike and wanted to go home!
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
> The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A
> moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my
> wife after only five cans!"
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house
> for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my
> cock. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"
> 
> Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front
> door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking
> back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every
> day.
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got
> locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
> defence..... when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts
> kick in.
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going." I
> said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cus when
> you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to
> whistle!"
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some
> money. Last night I serviced a Girl called Penny - spooky or what?
> 
> The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think
> about me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself coming too quickly" wasn't the
> right answer.
> ____________________________________________________
> 
> My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night
> and swapped her tampon for a party popper. No sense of humour.
> ___________________________________________________
> When asked in a recent survey, 90 per cent of Albertan men responded that
> their most memorable and joyous moment in life was being present at the
> birth of their first-born child.... Obviously none of them have ever seen
> an Arab being run down by a Tractor Trailer.