Apple loses another unreleased iPhone (exclusive) | Apple - CNET News:
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31.8.11
The nun & the construction site:
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site
noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend
some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and
talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot
where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.. very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back,
"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."
noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend
some time with them to correct their ways.
She decided she would take her lunch; sit with the workers; and
talk with them.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot
where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked:
"And do you men know Jesus Christ?"
They shook their heads and looked at each other.. very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out,
"Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"
One of the steelworkers yelled down, "Why?"
The worker yelled back,
"'Cause his wife's here with his lunch."
29.8.11
28.8.11
Al Qaeda No.2 killed in Pakistan this week - World - Canoe.ca
Al Qaeda No.2 killed in Pakistan this week - World - Canoe.ca:
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'via Blog this'
they seem to be dropping a little quicker now, eh?
@ the movies:
My wife says to me the other night,
“How come we don't make love like they do in the movies?”
So I bent her over the table, smacked her on the ass,
grabbed her by the hair, called her a cunt,
fucked her hard and then came on her face.
Turns out,,,,, we don't watch the same movies.!
“How come we don't make love like they do in the movies?”
So I bent her over the table, smacked her on the ass,
grabbed her by the hair, called her a cunt,
fucked her hard and then came on her face.
Turns out,,,,, we don't watch the same movies.!
27.8.11
A golf story:
Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole
for what seemed an eternity.
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner Ray asked, ‘What the heck is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Dave explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said Dave. . .
'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'
He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner Ray asked, ‘What the heck is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Dave explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said Dave. . .
'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'
26.8.11
Monica L's love handles:
After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror.
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.
In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.
'God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you.'
And just like that... her ears fell off.
25.8.11
The spoon:
The spoon:
A lesson on how consultants can make a difference in an organization.
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.
It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well, 'he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.
If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now..' I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.
By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.'
I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
the second coming
A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "l'm pregnant."
He asked,
"How did this happen, my child?"
She said,
"I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked,
"What makes you think it's the second coming?".
She replied,
"Because I swallowed the first one......."
just like mom:
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked him one
Like his mother used to do.
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked him one
Like his mother used to do.
24.8.11
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