bad marriage jokes

1 -How do you turn a fox into an elephant?  

Marry It!  

 

2 -What is the difference between a battery  and a woman?  

A battery has a positive side.  

 

3 - Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?  

Because you could easily fit another pair of boobs in there..  

 

4 - How do you make 5 pounds of fat look  good?  

Put a nipple on it.  

 

5 - Why do women fake orgasms?  

Because they think men care.  

 

6 - What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?  

Nothing, she's been told twice already.  

 

7 - If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?  

Made her chain too long  

 

8 - Why is a Laundromat a really bad place  to pick up a woman?  

Because a woman who can't even afford a  washing machine will probably never be able to support you.  

 

9 - Why do women have smaller feet than men?  

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

 

10 - Why do men pass gas more than  women?  

Because women can't shut up long enough  to build up the required pressure.  

 

11 - If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the   front door, who do you let in first ?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.  

 

12 - Scientists have discovered a food that  diminishes a woman's sex drive by   90%..  

It's called a Wedding Cake.  

 

13 - Why do men die before their wives?  

They want to.

 

14 – Do you know what the three rings of marriage are?  

Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering.